Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
