every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize