i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
