I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
