I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
