so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
