i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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