I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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