tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
