Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
