I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
