i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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