I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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