I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
