I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
