If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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