there's paper in my vomit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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