Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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