we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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