wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
