the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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