How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
