i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dick very happy bro
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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