i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
