Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.

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(941): View more from Florida

Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche

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(231): View more from Michigan

Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever

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(319): View more from Iowa

he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"

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(609): View more from New Jersey

You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.

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(786): View more from Florida

I miss vodka workout Fridays

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers

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(404): View more from Georgia

Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...

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