Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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