Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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