I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
