my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
