took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
