Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
