first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
