curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
