When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
