What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
