just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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