I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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