chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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