i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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