I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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