Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
