I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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