Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
