Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize