exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
