It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
