I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
