The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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