as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
