We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
