oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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