Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize