On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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