I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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