Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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