ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
