me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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