i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
