New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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