Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
