This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
