Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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