i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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