I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's never too late to be topless.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
