Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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