It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
