two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
