I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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