We're like a lot better than the average bears
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
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