woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
