The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
