I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
