): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
