I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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