She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize