Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
