walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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