So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
