i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
