I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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